Day 3,652. Or, waking up ugly and still being desired

     We woke up this morning, or through the night, you and I - as is our lot these days. Three boys that have bad dreams or fall out of bed or have to pee or leak or sleep walk or just need a snuggle. A full night's solid sleep is a dream for both of us.. a faint memory of a time gone by. Like the linger of someone's perfume long after they've left the room (you know who I'm talking about). And we go to bed too late, maybe watching Fallon, or reading or wasting energy on our phones, or trying to recapture the magic of our honeymoon (or show our younger selves how it's really done). And the boys wake too early. Always too early. We creak out of bed... moaning and groaning of another day in crazytown with our little superheroes. We love them and we love each other and it's been 2,526 days since we were allowed to wake up when we wanted (work excepted), read when we wanted, poop when we wanted, make love when we wanted, and eat whatever we wanted for meals. We had dates with no thought of sitters or curfews and we both worked and met for lunch if it lined up or we went out for lingering breakfasts or you would go for a swim and I would go for a run and no one was trying to hold onto our legs.

     We stretch our joints to the bathroom, yes our joints are there, and if we're lucky we can conserve some water ;) .  We have learned a lot in 10 years, not as much as 25 or 50 but for 10 years we have learned a few things. And the importance of water conservation is right up there. We have learned that sometimes it IS ok to let the sun go down on your rage because sometimes the rage is like flaming arrows and would burn too deep. We have learned that as much as we know each other there is still so much to learn. We have learned Grace in all it's forms (so far) and that love is a verb (hella DCTalk).

     I have learned that I "moi?" am not perfect. Hard to believe, I know. But neither are you. Thanks be to God because how would you live with perfection. We were told by friends, as we planned our wedding, that we were planning a marriage and that sometimes marriage sucks. We knew it, but we have learned it in the last ten years. How could it not? Two imperfect people trying to join lives.

     We have learned that life is full of surprises and is always changing. Sounds sooo cliche but it's true. Who could have predicted our journey together. The bumps, meadows, crevices, beaches, mountains, valleys, twists, straight and fast highways, loop-de-loops and park benches. We've shared tears and rum and cokes, laughter... so much laughter. You have seen me at my ultimate worst, physically, emotionally and spiritually, and you have given me space to breathe, think, question and process, you have loved me through and never left my side.

     You have given me the trust to ask you tough questions. The kind that can't be answered right away, or even in a day... or a week. But you have never shut down my pursuit of your best, our pursuit of growth, our reach for the Holy, and sacred. And we have seen that Holy and sacred show itself in the darkest places. We didn't always see it at the time but when we look back it still lights our way.

     We have, by God's grace, created "Strong Warrior" and "Small Champion" and "Comfort-Rest" and "Yahweh is Gracious". Our Strong Warrior paved the way and made space and protection for his brothers and we weep at his life less lived but we share the joy of seeing him again.

     We have delighted and stressed at our lively tribe. We look at each other and try not to laugh or we lay a hand on each other to keep a grip of ourselves. I am often exhausted in wonder at the three of them, that they are part of us yet so different. That they can simultaneously make our cups to runneth over and empty out those same cups. We have learned that we aren't completely the parents we thought we would be, but that they have made us better. They have showed us where we were wrong and have taught us about grace, and redemption, and forgiveness and how the Father sees us.

     You have taught me that I am so much more than I thought I was. Capable of more love, and grace, and fun, and crazy.... and crazy

And I hope I have taught you the same.

     I pray that ten years from now... in another 3,652 days we will have learned more, loved more, forgiven more, tried more, failed more, hugged more, kissed more, saved more water....

 Basically, I don't want the ride to stop. Thank you, man of my dreams, for ten years.. a continuing story so unique that it could only be ours.